


Drinking At The Thought Of You

by frustrataed



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 08:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18656371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frustrataed/pseuds/frustrataed
Summary: Losing someone has never hurt so much. Maybe because they never found a way to settle into your fragile heart.





	Drinking At The Thought Of You

**Author's Note:**

> THIS FIC CONTAINS MAJOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The lump stuck in your throat has yet to disappear. It has been there for quite a while now along with other side effects, mostly tears you attempted to suppress numerous times. The cold you’ve been feeling has not abated, as well. 

Your right hand is trembling as you lift the glass up, bringing it to your dry lips. Alcohol was never your friend but right now it seems as if you’ve known each other for years. It doesn’t take the pain away, how can anything or anyone in this world ever do so-but it’s a silent companion you get along with. It allows your thoughts to be carried away. Carried away into a world where you haven’t lost him. 

Will you manage to rest again, you don’t know. Sleep is like a distant memory, it’s been days since you lied down. You don’t care. You don’t care about anything anymore. The only person you cared about and you would give your life for him to be right beside you even for a minute is long gone. And he’s not coming back.

“Would you mind if I joined?” You hear a familiar voice as the wooden floor underneath your feet creaks. You wipe a few tears away from your cheeks as you cough a little in order to fix your voice.

“I’d rather be alone, right now, Steve, but If you insist...” You slightly move your body to the right to make room for him. Steve plumps himself down, settling next to you on the wooden floor of the house’s balcony. You don’t turn your head to look at him, you don’t even know if you have a strength to form more than one sentence. Instead, you fixate your gaze on the beautiful landscape in front of you. 

Tony had chosen the right place to start his new life and family with Pepper. Of course, he had.

“Y/n, you should stop drinking, it does you no good...” He says a few moments after silence started filling the already heavy atmosphere.

You shake your head, taking a sip.

“If anything, I think I’m actually calmer now...”

“Calm doesn’t necessarily mean fine, y/n...” You carefully place the glass to the side as you turn to finally face your friend. There is a never-fading frown on his face along with a dead worried expression that you choose to dismiss.

“Who even is fine, Steve? The only person who smiled for a split second was Morgan when Happy told her about the burgers...God, she’s just a kid...I-I can’t talk about this, Rogers. I’m sorry, I just can’t...” Your voice breaks towards the end and honestly, who can blame you?

You bring your knees close to your upper body, like an armor that will protect you from the tsunami of feelings daring to hurt your sanity. 

You can’t do anything to stop the inevitable.

How worse can an already shattered heart be wounded?

“Everyone is worried about you, including me. I think it would be better if you talked to me...” Steve insists, bringing his hand to your back, caressing it softly. 

You can’t escape him. You’ve spent enough time with Captain America to know how much of a stubborn brat he is. Especially when it comes to someone being in pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, he does everything in his power to offer the slightest of comfort. 

And even though you’re thankful for having him as a caring friend, you’re in no condition to express any sort of emotion at the moment. The tears keep coming out mechanically, they’re like rain falling anything but hard. You feel the oxygen abandoning you once again, just like when you saw the only person who was with you from the start dying.

So, aware that you have nothing better to do, you open your mouth. And you let it out. All of it. With a cold and shaky voice, like your soul has long left your body. 

“Can’t you see that it hurts? It hurts like hell...Tony Stark was the only family I had. Even when I had nothing, I had him, Steve. He embraced me like I was his own child. I’ve always been by his side, I fucking grew up watching him accomplish so many things and I was proud and thankful and...Now he’s gone and even though I now know that this had to happen, my heart is still suffering. And it always will. I-i can’t accept it, I am empty, I don’t know what to do without him. I’m lost again, Steve, all this pain is unbearable...”

Steven listens to you carefully and waits until you’re finished to speak. And when he tries to do so you just wave him off, telling him to save anything he has to say. 

You don’t need anybody’s pity nor encouraging words. They never really understood. They probably never will...

“I’m sure what Tony would want from you is to move on...That’s what will make his sacrifice matter...We’re always here for you, y/n, we’re also your family... ”

Steve pats your shoulder and he reluctantly gets up, eventually leaving you alone. You can’t hear him though, you’ve blocked every sound, your eyes blankly staring at the small lake a few meters away.

Proof that Tony Stark had a heart; you.


End file.
